When the heavy metal doors finally open up and swarms of students allocate themselves in a selection tables, the pressure that is faced as an outsider walking up to a group seated around one table and asking “may I join you?” is too much to handle. If they say yes, it brings immense happiness, but then comes the pressure to grasp the incomprehensible inside jokes already established within the friend group, risking further exclusion. If they say no, one might hesitate to return and risk overwhelming embarrassment.

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A place where people dine frequently three times a day, offering a wide array of popular foods is the dining hall, including pizza, pasta, salad, cereal, and a vanilla and/or chocolate flavor ice cream selection. Regardless of the purpose of eating, the dining hall provokes the anticipation or trepidation of many individuals, and that depends solely on the presence or absence of companions. The portrayal of the cafeteria scene in the classic high school movies, where there’s an outsider squeezing their way to the dusty table at the corner, is highly evocative of the fearful emotions associated within social dynamics. The outsider often sheepishly approaches the popular kids, gets rejected, then walks sheepishly on top of embarrassment towards the school bathroom. There, the outsider lets their tears moisten the food on the tray situated on their lap while chewing on the gross cafeteria food, contemplating their “survival” for their remaining high school life. The fear of rejection and eagerness for acceptance from a particular friend group intensifies as one navigates through the swarms of round wooden tables seated with unfamiliar faces. Approximately two meters to the left, there is a group of eight lively friends that have clearly formed a friend group prior to entering the building. Approximately ten meters to the right, an unoccupied table near the entrance sits, potentially exposing oneself eating alone to the scrutiny of onlookers walking in. Speaking in the lens of an introverted person who’s personally witnessed firsthand and from an outsider's perspective, the pressure to conform within a pre-established social circle is a formidable struggle. Regrettably, the absence of fostered support and inclusivity within social circles in a lively environment like a universally accessible environment like the cafeteria creates a stigmatized perception of those dining alone.

The day prior to arriving at Brown Pre-College, I spent my time day and night watching numerous advising videos based on establishing friendships in an unfamiliar environment. My primary motivator to go out of my way and socialize with anybody who comes my way was the mental image of me in the dining hall, holding a plate of food with no available table. I imagined myself being stared at as the only person who wasn’t surrounded by a group of friends but rather engrossed on my phone. Throughout the initial days of my arrival, I consciously attempted to interact with others whenever an opportunity was given, driven by avoiding loneliness  in a crowded cafeteria. Even now, as I’m accepting my occasional absence of social interaction, I still rarely find myself eating alone, due to the fear of being looked down upon by those pre-established social circles. Reflecting on this, I realize that the problem is rooted in the glorification of social divisions that encouraged the creation of friend groups. Additionally, this stigma is largely influenced by one’s self consciousness rather than the exclusivity of social circles. Through observing the number of people sitting at each table and pondering their underlying desires behind their choices. How many of these students personally wish they were surrounded by a friend group, and how many people enjoy peacefully eating alone? 

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I swiped my ID into the Ratty, and proceeded  forward from the entrance, greeted by numerous tables situated closely to my left. While walking forward from the entrance and deeper into the realm of loud chattery, I look towards the tables next to me, and quickly glance at the first person at the first table I cross. There sits a woman with her long, brown hair tied up into a ponytail, and eyes emphasized with her thick framed glasses sitting on her nose. She had her phone in one hand, while slowly piercing her fork into the white ceramic bowl of only tomato-sauced pasta in another. Her eyes situating on her phone screen, and her right hand falling into a mechanically routined action of stabbing into each piece of pasta that traveled into the mouth. She chewed slowly and sustainably, clearly indicating she wasn’t in a hurry. Most importantly, she sits alone, with only one category of food on her plate and accompanied by headphones that quietly scream “do not disturb”. She didn’t pay attention to the surrounding people or contemplate which friend group to join like I would’ve. She didn’t glance at the surrounding lively tables where potentially interesting conversations take place. No, her eyes are focusing on the words displayed on her phone, unfazed by who is potentially judging. She had zero priority towards socializing with other people, but rather refueling her body energy with a simple pasta meal to rewind from the probably busy day, finding solace through relaxing on her phone and blocking excessive noises. The more I observed her eat, the more she seemed empowering. I admired her detached attitude and her ability to be completely unaffected by the deafening social groups exchanging cheesy jokes with challenges finishing their plates overflowing with food. She didn’t bother any of the surrounding individuals, and despite being near the highly exposed entrance, none of them bothered her personal solitude either. The next person I came across, who was seated at the table to the left of her, was similarly alone eating a simple meal. He had one pepperoni pizza with roughly five pieces of pepperoni on it, and numerous pieces of lettuce on his plate. He again, had his phone out, with one wired earbud in his ear and the other hanging out. Witnessing already two people in the spot that previous me was so terrified of being was a transformative sight, finally acknowledging the insignificance of squeezing in with a social circle when one's personal priorities don't align. 

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Out of curiosity, I began counting. I counted the number of people that sat alone, and it wasn’t until critically counting that I noticed the nineteen people eating alone compared to the lively scenes with fewer standing of ten tables that seat five people. With each step I took, my eyes darted across the vast cafeteria room, eager to look deeper into the distance where some hidden tables were situated in the small "room" built at the very back. I continued walking until I met the last table in the corner of that column, then turned to my right, greeted by similarly shaped tables piled next to one another until I retraced my steps back to the big entrance where multiple people of different social groups were still entering from. From personal experience in the dining hall, all I hear is a jarring loud chatter occurring at each table, illusioning the cafeteria being automatically filled with tight-knit friend groups. On one side, I’ll hear a bunch of people talking about their good or bad plays in basketball, whereas on another side, you might hear a bunch of others talking about annoyances within their classes. The sudden realization today suggested the stigma associated with eating alone in a social environment, being that it becomes increasingly difficult to accept one’s “loneliness’ while surrounded with a clamor of voices coming from various sizes of friend groups. 

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Recognizing that a populated cafeteria is only a microcosm of social interactions, particularly the teenage high school age range, we can foster the values of inclusivity that challenges against the ingrained beliefs displayed in high school based movies. The anticipation, fear, and stigmatization associated with eating alone in the cafeteria is mirrored in the broader societal norms where each social group has their set of societal norms to be pressured to conform to. The glorification of exclusive social divisions reinforces the idea that someone’s self-worth is determined by their social connections within a broad environment. Conversely, celebrating individuality and promoting acceptance to eating alone destroys the barrier separating “winners” or “losers” depending on their social connections. By acknowledging the absence of this barrier in the real world rather than the nightmare-like portrayal in high school shows, it moves us close to destigmatizing the act of being alone brings value to the individuals not on their socializing choices, but their personal qualities or contributions. Some people enjoy having peace to themselves after a tiring day of staring at their computers, while some others are more fond of the lively social event to rewind their equally busy days in a classroom. By extending our knowledge beyond the beige coloured walls of the dining hall, we strive to foster open-minded acceptance, and empower individuals to their authentic selves regardless if that means full, limited, or no socializing. This proposes the understanding that someone’s personal worth shouldn’t be defined by their social connections or conformity to a pre-established social group. 

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Even being a sensitive child who usually catches onto obvious patterns in any environment, me being blind to the commonality of alone time during meals revealed the role that social norms imposed on me. Growing up believing that everyone notices the “outsiders” was a lie that was deeply ingrained in my brain and took a deep toll on my self esteem. However, observing the empowering energy radiate off of those nineteen people performing individualized care for themselves taught me not only that it’s okay to be alone, but should even be a preferable choice. Taking time for myself, with no need to understand someone else's cheesy inside jokes, or forcibly squeeze into an exclusive friend group, is necessary to occasionally flee from the strictness of social dynamics. It points out an apparent flaw with the social structures within a “populated” area of visit such as a frequently visited dining hall. Besides being a place to eat, it shouldn’t be a place that holds fear against people who enter the door without a companion, but rather a welcoming area to eat whenever desired. Besides being a place to eat, it should be a place of welcome, inclusivity, and open minded acceptance regardless of the presence or absence of someone else entering with you.